a 5-star mule-tide experience

There was a nip in the air that day, as we saddled up at the Blackjack Ranch. Our dear friends at Taylor Mack had convinced me that we would be participating in the creation of the greatest Christmas card ever seen. The concept was so simple, a play on words…a pun. Rather than going with the traditional “Yuletide Greetings,” we would capitalize on our reputation for be “fun loving, wacky and easily convinced to put ourselves into dangerous situations without asking too many questions.” The 5 Star Productions Christmas card would read “Mule-tide.” The brilliance behind this whole Christmas card was that not only would the card read “Mule-tide,” but my crew and I would also appear riding mules.

Apparently I, like many others, was unaware of the difference between mules and donkeys. And let me tell you my friends…there is a difference. A mule is the product of the relationship between a horse and a donkey, however a mule is unable to reproduce. A mule is much larger than a donkey, about 2 times the size. So if you look at the card and think, “Hey they’re riding horses!” You are wrong, we are riding mules, the children of the horse and donkey love affair.

After outfitting ourselves in some official mule riding gear, out of the mule wrangler’s personal collection, we were ready to mount up. (Ask Travis about his chaps) Now on first look one might have thought that these mules did not care to be ridden, but who are we to trust our first look. The whole crew saddled up, even Keith. We rode our mules out to the pasture, where we would be witness to and participants in “The Great Mule Revolt of 2003.” These mules were not interested in being part of the greatest Christmas card any human’s eyes had ever come to rest upon. Long story, short:

Yates thought, “Hey, I’ll stand next to this 2 ton animal and wrap the reigns around my hand…he’ll never be able to get away.” The mule got away, and for the first couple strides took Yates with him. Eventually, Yates got free and was only unconscious for 7 hours.

Travis just enjoyed the ride, in his fuzzy chaps.

Greg’s mule decided to go for a walk. Greg has not been seen since.

Keith was sick, on a mule. How many of you can say that you have been sick and on a mule at the same time? Rather impressive, once you think about it.

I was successfully able to break a wild mule that even the mule wrangler himself had been unable to tame, with my bare hands!

That’s the end of the 5 Star mule adventure. Thanks for lunch Taylor Mack. Peace.

If any of you reading this do not believe that I, Mike Hart, wrote this narrative…you’re right.